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Originally Posted by guy1111
Wow, I really appreciate that! It feels giod hearing that. It's crazy to me. It seems so simple. What you said totally makes sense. I was never treated like I mattered. I was abused and neglected by my parents at an early age. Although later in life they attempted to make up for it. I was too damaged by then. Then jumping right in to a marriage with a soul sucking narcissist. I really am getting a lot out of my own therapy. I keep telling myself to put my foot down in couples therapy and I never really do until the last minute. I think it's self sabatoge. I have to knock that off. Thanks again for your insights!!!
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What I am concerned about with you is that since you have been so devalued in your childhood and in life with partners, that you are used to and conditioned to receiving disrespect and disregard, which leads to accepting what are normally viewed as unacceptable behaviors from a partner. Your wife continues to disregard and devalue you, and you seem to accept this treatment, despite not liking it. That's the conditioning at play.
You had stated in a previous post that you didn't really mind her yelling at YOU (and you said that has stopped now). But yelling at your spouse should not be acceptable in any way shape or form, in my opinion. Yelling is not a part of a loving, healthy and respectful marriage. If she is still yelling, ranting and raving about other things on a frequent basis and is not directing it at you, do you feel that that is healthy? It really isn't.
You are also not given a voice or opinion in your marriage. Perhaps in your couples therapy, you could voice your feelings more and tell the therapist that your wife's continued dismissal of you is unacceptable treatment. Either she loves you and treats you with the respect and equality you deserve by respecting your feelings and opinions and by taking them into consideration, or this marriage isn't going to work.
Just my two cents.