Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope
What I am concerned about with you is that since you have been so devalued in your childhood and in life with partners, that you are used to and conditioned to receiving disrespect and disregard, which leads to accepting what are normally viewed as unacceptable behaviors from a partner. Your wife continues to disregard and devalue you, and you seem to accept this treatment, despite not liking it. That's the conditioning at play.
You had stated in a previous post that you didn't really mind her yelling at YOU (and you said that has stopped now). But yelling at your spouse should not be acceptable in any way shape or form, in my opinion. Yelling is not a part of a loving, healthy and respectful marriage. If she is still yelling, ranting and raving about other things on a frequent basis and is not directing it at you, do you feel that that is healthy? It really isn't.
You are also not given a voice or opinion in your marriage. Perhaps in your couples therapy, you could voice your feelings more and tell the therapist that your wife's continued dismissal of you is unacceptable treatment. Either she loves you and treats you with the respect and equality you deserve by respecting your feelings and opinions and by taking them into consideration, or this marriage isn't going to work.
Just my two cents.
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Ya, my biggest enemy is my own mind. She still yells and rants. It's lessened while we are in therapy, probably because she knows she will have to be somewhat accountable. I definitely let her mean words get to me sometimes. The other day, I forgot to tell her about plans my ex has for the kids and she read my phone and then asked if I was ever going to tell her about what my ex said. In the moment, I let her unkind words sink in and I panicked and lied and told her I didn't see the message. I thought about it later. I don't have to tell her ANYTHING if I choose not to! If she is so concerned, she could have asked. She is also welcome to look at my phone anytime. I have nothing to hide. So why should I feel bad that I forgot? Why should I lie to try and avoid conflict? I told her about 5 minutes later that I lied and said sorry because I hate that feeling, especially over something so petty. Of course she gets mad about it and tells me to go lie to someone else. One more example of how I can own my issues and apologize, yet she can't admit she flew off the handle about it. I'm definitely bringing that one up in therapy. B.S!