Well, you have a history of battle scars and part of why you avoid conflict is due to learning that if another person is incapable of valuing others, they tend to punch harder and hurt more and devalue you even more. Truth is we FEEL that, and because we were too young to know how to respond we genuinely feel helpless whenever certain confrontations happen. When we are young and genuinely don't have skills to engage, most learn to avoid and distance or take "flight".

I know you are working on your past traumas, trying to do the EMDR to process them. Yet, it's also important to identify the root, and most of the time that root tends to be different messages and behaviors that devalued you. When we are young we simply do not know that many of the behaviors we experience do not actually mean we have no value, but instead reflect the parent's or other individuals incompetence and lack of knowledge that they are projecting onto others.

It sounds like you get distracted by your own challenges and healing that you are zoning out certain things that make her feel that you are not paying attention to things she wants you to pay attention to. This may be triggering something from her past too where her needs went unheard and her presence was not acknowledged. Maybe her father did not acknowledge her, maybe he was abscent even. Has she shared her history with you?