Hi,

I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through.

If I were you I'd:

1. Stop being intimate with him until your relationship problems have been (hopefully) healed. Otherwise you're a 'friend with benefits' He's either 'in' or 'out' of the relationship: He can't just dabble with your affections when he feels like it. That's not fair on you
and probably leaves you feeling really confused and lost.

2. I'm sorry to say, but with you not living with him, there is no knowing what he is doing/who he may be hanging out with, potentially, when you're not there with him.

3. I would proactively give him one shot at marriage guidance counselling. At the moment it's heart-wrenching for you; you don't know the truth/reality of what's leading to his behaviour. To seek more clarity, a professional marriage guidance counselling session might, at least, shed some light on whether it's potentially depression, cheating, him feeling overwhelmed about some aspect of his life and 'retreating' into his 'shell' or him genuinely not wishing to remain in a partnership anymore. As others have said here, it's difficult to pinpoint what's really going on currently. More information is needed generally...and specifically, by you. Sitting in limbo and/or you feeling you have to go visit him just to get to see him, must be a real strain on you emotionally. I'd arrange a marriage counselling session asap. No guarantees anything will be 'fixed' of course, but at least you may gain knowledge about whether or not he's 'worth' waiting around for, or whether it's time to cut your losses (as upsetting as that may be) and put yourself and your future needs first. Time to explore what's going on proactively.