I really need some help everyone. Today is the one year anniversary of my sister's suicide. She too was bi-polar and in the throes of mania, she shot herself. I've been aware of this day approaching and thought I pretty much had everything under control, but I've been caught off guard with how sick and sad my heart feels. I'm depressed. I'm angry. I'm hurting. I'm confused. I'm having a hard time focusing here at work. I don't want to be around people, but I can't leave. Right now, everything else (like work, other peoples problems, the rest of my life) seems so irrelevant in light of my feelings about my sister right now. What do I do? How do I continue in my daily schedule when all I want to do is scream, or crawl under a rock or just do absolutely nothing at all except stare at the floor. I feel very lost right now and overwhelmed by emotions. I want to cry so badly and yet I can't. What the hell is wrong with me that I can't even cry for my own sister...my own flesh and blood who in her torment saw no other way out except to kill herself. All of this is more than I can handle in this moment. I'm fighting just to breathe...