Welcome @PossessedLunarK9; First off I wanted to validate your feelings, your truth and your experiences. There are some things I wanted to share and I do not want you to think I do not support you. I read your whole post so I will just quote some things and share my thoughts. You dont have to agree they are just some musings I had.
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Originally Posted by PossessedLunarK9
So, one day my mom gets a call from my dad. My mom asks me who I want to live with. I was a bit annoyed by this because I didn´t feel like choosing at the time because I just wanted to watch cartoons. I told my mom I wanted to do it later, but she said, ¨No! You have to do it now.¨ I asked her, ¨Do I have to?¨ and she says, ¨Yes, it has to be now.¨ I then make a quick decision and say I want to live with... my mom. I chose her because she was the easy-going one, and my dad was the serious type. I thought she was talking about visiting, and I didn´t understand what the big deal was. Dad... I didn´t mean it. I didn´t understand at the time.
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This was so unfair. It is not right to expect a child to choose a parent, The parents should work together towards a solution that is most beneficial to the child, Its not your fault.
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After I chose, after a while, my mom said we were going to live with my aunt. We were going to have to travel to another state. We packed all our stuff, and flew over to the state where my aunt lives. We lived with my aunt for a couple of years, and then we finally got our own apartment in the same state. Fast forward to where all my real grievances against that stupid fat b**** I call a ¨mom¨ has done to me. I realized I had chosen wrong, and my dad is actually a pretty okay dude! Okay, deep breath, you too whoever´s reading this, what you are about to read is disturbing.
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Your dad should have contested you moving out of state. It is not fair to you or him to be so far away. In many states it is illegal to move a child that far away.
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My mom uses me as an ATM machine. Yes. You heard that right. She is greedy. She takes the child support money and spends it on herself, and uses it to pay rent for the apartment. She gets paid to take care of my grandma, who lives with us, but not a lot. Whenever my grandma gives me allowance for taking out the trash, my mom always wants it. Like for example, we were at the DMV one time, and she needed $20 to pay for something, and asks me if I have $20, but I had already spent it. I told her no, and she says ¨Shoot... Darn it.¨ Oh, here´s another TIME! I had purchased a brass knuckle off the internet. Now here´s another thing that makes my skin crawl... She always wants to know what I ordered online, even though I paid for it! Just being nosey. She found out I purchased a brass knuckle and she questions me saying, ¨What´s that for?¨ and I just say it was something from a movie. The truth is it was for self-defense for emergencies, but I didn´t tell her that. Now, we go to a grocery store, and she asks me if I have any money left. I tell her no, and she immediately starts panicking and says, ¨What happened to it all? How much did that knuckle thing cost?¨ OKAY, WHOA! I bought the brass knuckle with my ALLOWANCE. And she certainly has NO RIGHT to question me about what I purchased online! She was gonna use that money to buy groceries, because she kept spending the food stamps on frilly things like cake and stuff. I mean I get we need food, but it was my money. I don´t get how she can be mad at me because I spent my ALLOWANCE. I´m not an ATM machine! She literally uses me as a wallet, that´s all I am to her... A WALLET! Not a person. A wallet.
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Child support is meant to support the child- housing. food, heat clothes. As long as you had those things I dont see it as her spending it on herself. I do not think it was right for her to take your allowance. It is one thing if she sat you down and explained the hardship and asked if you would mind helping her. And in that case she should just ask your grandma for the money, not take it from you or put you on the spot at the grocery store. I do think she has a right to ask about your internet purchases. Not restrict them but ask about them,. In many states brass knuckles are against the law and if you were to use them it would be a felony.
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Seriously, whenever I ask her for $20 allowance (grandma gives me $20, just so you know) she gets uneasy, and tries to dodge the question by saying things like, ¨We´ll see...¨, but she never gives it to me. Now, I know what you´re thinking... I´m being a little greedy myself here, but let me explain why. You see, I was around 15 years old at the time and I had already realized my parents were divorced. I had also realized my dad was cheating, but I never said anything. When I was visiting my dad for a month during the summer, he told me that the child support money should all be going to ME, and that it was MY money. Yeah, all that child support was supposed to be mine, but instead my ¨mom¨ pocketed it all. Also, she doesn´t even raise me. She only cares when I do something wrong, but never actually talks to me. I can´t even have $20 of it! Oh, and by the way, my mom receives over $868 in child support A MONTH!! A huge $800 paycheck for doing nothing at all! I wish I could get a check like that for doing nothing!
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Like I said, unless you were going without food, car insurance, clothes, heat or housing she technically has a right to spend that money on those things. But since she takes your other money I can see why it upsets you.
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A couple of days later I decide to start packing a suitcase inside my bedroom. My mom asks, ¨What are you doing?¨ I tell her i´m going to live with my dad. She then says, ¨No, you have to stay here.¨ I just ignore her and keep packing. She then says, ¨[My Name] your scaring me!¨ When she finally leaves the room I lock the door to keep her out. She comes back again and tries opening the door. She says, ¨[My Name] open the door!¨ I ignore her, and she keeps telling me to open the door. After a while, she starts unscrewing the door-knob, taking it apart, trying to break in. That infuriated me, because she was invading my privacy. It made me feel like a prisoner, like I was her property. After a while she finally gets the door open. She has tears in her eyes, and that pisses me off, she wasn´t no victim. If anything me and my dad were the real victims! She then asks, ¨Can I have a hug?¨ I ignore her. She then says, ¨Please?¨ She then sits on the bed with me, and tries to get closer to me. I move away. She gets closer. I tell her not to touch me. But she then tries to reach out for me, trying to pull me into a hug. I move away and grab a blunt object. I was ready to hit her if she even laid a finger on me. She laughs a little and asks, ¨What´s wrong?¨ I then say, ¨I don´t want to be touched.¨ She then has the nerve to ask me, ¨Why are you so angry?¨ I´m thinking to myself, like really?? You are really that oblivious? After all you´ve done to me? YOU KEPT ME AWAY FROM MY FATHER MY WHOLE LIFE!!
I then threaten to call CPS if she touches me. She then touches me and tries to pull me into a hug. I then jump off the bed, and run to the bathroom. I then close and lock the door. I then PRETEND to be on a phone call to try and scare her
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No matter how angry you were it is not ok to threaten to call cps. You would have been removed and put into a group home to keep you in the state. CPS is for abused children and mandatory reporters it is not a number to be used as revenge, whether or not you are angry. You deserve to control your body and who touches you though.
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Another thing my mom would do is she would try to win me over by taking me to the movies, and stuff like that. As if it would make up for what she put me through. I decided to start being mean to my mom to punish her. I don´t remember everything I did, but I would ignore her when she was trying to talk to me, and I would break her things. Stuff like that. But, there is one incident at that made my blood boil...
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being mean is not an effective way to make your feelings known. I wish you had been able to notify a school counselor and ask for therapy so you would have a safe, supportive environment to tell your mom how you feel. Being mean might give you temporary pleasure but in the long run it takes a lot of energy to keep being mean and doesnt change the situation.
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We went to a do-it-yourself type of car wash because my dumb mom wanted to bond with me. I really do not want a relationship with her anymore after seeing how self-absorbed she really is. So, at the car wash. I refuse to help my mom because I was pissed at her, since she wouldn´t let me live with my dad. And I see this white pickup truck finding a bay to wait at, I see it move towards the bay beside us, but no, it fu-freaking chooses OUR BAY to wait at!! I think, ¨Okay, no big deal. A little awkward, but no biggie...¨ Then after a while, you will not believe what happened....
I see the passenger door of the truck open, and this dude hops out. He then walks into our bay and says, ¨Hey brother...¨ I was thinking to myself, ¨Okay, maybe he just wants to know where something is...¨ NOPE. He then says, ¨I hate to intervene, but, is this your mom?¨ Oh, boy, here we go... He then goes on, ¨Why is she doing all the work? This is your mom´s car right?¨ I then say yes. My mom just laughs nervously the entire time. He then says, ¨You should be washing her car for her.¨ And basically saying how I should be helping, and washing to car for my mom. He then goes back inside the truck. I then grab a sprayer and help rinse off the car. Like seriously, what a SIMP! Putting on a show like that. That pissed me off, like mind your own business dude, quit trying to pick up girls with that lame pick up game. Sheeeshhh! It pisses me off because it feels like the universe is against me, and it chose to side with MY MOM and not the REAL VICTIM, WHICH IS ME!! I went through all that, and the universe told ME to shut up! NO! I WILL NOT SHUT UP! I WILL NOT BE SILENT! I WILL SPEAK OUT AGAINST THE WRONG DOINGS THAT HAVE BEEN DONE TO ME!!
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regardless of the motivations of this man (which you truly do not know) helping your mom wash the car is a kind thing and everyone deserves a little kindness.
[quote]Your uncle was mentally ill and using drugs and its beyond negligent for her or your grandma to allow him to live with you and i am sorry for that.
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However, things were not all well. When I would come back to stay with my mom something happened. When I was in the car at the airport my my mom was in the driver´s seat and my grandma in the passenger´s seat. My mom asked me how my stay with my dad was and I said good. My mom told my grandma that my dad has a camaro. My grandma starts being a negative nancy and says, ¨It-It doesn´t make him look young.¨ Like really? He works hard, he deserves to have a nice car. Remember, he´s pretty much the reason you have a roof over your head since no one staying at my mom´s works. My mom gave my grandma a look of disdain. My mom continues to ask me about what I did at my dad´s. My grandma then says, ¨The house is always dirty over there, that´s why nobody wants to come visit.¨ Okay, NO! First of all, my dad has a very clean middle-class house in a nice neighborhood. Second, it´s my MOM´S place that´s the filthy one! My mom has a filthy apartment that´s cluttered. Not only that but my grandma, let alone my mom, never even saw my dad´s house! My mom muttered, ¨You´ve never been over there...¨ to my grandma. See what my grandma is doing? She sees that I get to live in a SAFE place with my dad, and actually get RAISED the right way so she immediately tries to RIP IT ALL AWAY!! She doesn´t want to see me be a good boy. She wanted me to SUFFER!! She sees me being around my dad and getting a break as a BAD THING! She only cares about HERSELF!
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You grandma should have never ***** talked your dad like that, he is your father and you deserve to love him without judgment.
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So a while later my mom´s car has a serious issue, it was an old Camry. I don´t remember exactly what it was, but it was major. And around the time we were trying to find a way to get it fixed, I told my mom I wanted to live with my dad. It seemed that when I was with my mom everything would be about drama. My mom and grandma argued often. I didn´t want to be around all that drama. My mom told me I had to wait until we got the car fixed. She basically wanted to use the CHILD SUPPORT to FIX A CAR. Hmpf, wow. I told my dad about the situation and he said, ¨Yeah it´s not for that... You don´t own that car.¨ and that I shouldn´t have to worry about that sort of stuff. My mom is a child support abuser.
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I do not see your mom as a child abuser and I think its perfectly fine for her to use the child support to fix the car.
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Fast forward later, and i´m struggling in school. My mom asks me if I want to try homeschooling, and I agree to try it. She said that there was this program called K12 that was really good. So I agreed to it. I received all the supplies in the mail, and a school laptop that I had to return when done with the school. I enjoyed doing the program, and it was quite easy, AT FIRST.
However, as time went on that´s when I started to struggle. I then realized that K12 was just as bad as a brick and mortar school, if not, WORSE! The thing about them is that they give you an unbelievable amount of work per day, and they have due dates. Plus they even assign work on weekends, AND HOLIDAYS. I got behind on my work, and I struggled to catch up because of the assignment system that they have. It felt like they were burying me in work, and not letting me get up to catch my breath!
Something you should know about K12, is that the parent is supposed to be helping their child through the work. But no, my mom didn´t do that at all. She just checks in and says she did it, and sees if I did the work. No help at all. She gets mad at me when my teachers say I didn´t do the work. Like how can I with a stupid idiotic system that buries you in work? Like seriously mom, start HELPING me instead of getting MAD!
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yes your mom should have helped you more but ultimately you have to do the work in order to graduate and it is going to be hard, Unfortunately you had such an uncomfortable home life that it made learning and completing work unbearable. Your mom should have done better.
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So here´s where the problem starts. My grandma told me to park my car (at the apartment we parallel park on the street, or in our CRAMPED garage. it was a low-budgeted apartment.) outside to save a spot for my mom because it´s ¨not fair¨ that she comes home and there´s no parking. I mean yeah, I get the logic behind that, but isn´t that kind of taking ADVANTAGE of MY car? Like isn´t that just using me? As a matter of fact my mom left in the morning to go to school, and one time my grandma was knocking on my door at 7 AM IN THE MORNING, which I was asleep, and said I had to park my car outside. (I usually kept it in the garage to keep it clean.) That pissed me off. She woke me up early in the morning just to meet the needs of that ***** I call a ¨mom¨. You know, it seems to me like I´VE been taking care of HER the entire time. I have little to no parenting in my life at all! It´s always about my mom. Everything caters to HER!
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It was not worth your time to worry over a parking spot and I do not see it as taking advantage of you.
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Okay, so fast forward MUCH LATER. I am now a senior. I now attend a charter school where you do these work packets called ¨Credits¨ and you need to turn in two a week. However, the packets are LOOOONG. There is a lot of work in them. So I have like 30 credits left to turn in before I graduate. If I don´t turn in credits it pushes my graduation further away, now i´m telling you this for a reason, you will see why later. So my mom graduated from her school, she completed high school. It was a community college.
My mom´s car had to be sold due to a massive oil leak, this car was a different one still an old Camry but different. So we had to use my car. Well, I had the fabulous idea of stripping down the interior of my car to make it go faster. I did not have a job at the time. I would put the interior back in when I was done with it. I took the back seat out. It was two-piece, one part was the back-rest and the other was the part you sit on. So I put all the interior parts inside the garage. I test drive my car and I notice a huge difference. It felt much lighter and zippier. When i´m done having fun, I put the interior back inside my car. When I go back inside the apartment, and inside my room. (I stay in my room all day long because i´m very anti-social. I know i´m talking forever but I carry A LOT of pain inside.) My mom comes in and smiles then asks me, ¨What were you doing with the back-seat?¨ I just say that I was cleaning it, and my mom leaves it at that.
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I do not think it was wise to do that to your car in order to go faster. I think you are implying faster than the speed limit which isnt safe and could kill you or ruin your driving record. Were you 18 yet? Sure you can do what you want with the car when you are an adult and reponsible for your own actions but in this case it would have been better to wait.
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I was planning on doing the acceleration run in the middle of the night, around 2 AM, when my mom was asleep. So later on in the night, my mom comes into our bedroom after walking the dog. She asks me, ¨What happened to your car?¨ I ask her, ¨What?¨ She then says, ¨What happened to the seat?¨ I then realize that my cover was blown. She found out what I did. I was pissed. There was no reason for her to know what was in that car. My car has tinted windows so the only way she could have seen what was in there is if she deliberately unlocked it, went inside, and LOOKED. She was being nosey, like she always is! I just tell her I was cleaning the seat. After going back and forth with her questioning, she finally accepts that I was ¨just cleaning the seat¨. She then says, ¨Oh, i´ve just never saw it that way before. The trunk liner was gone too.¨ I just roll my eyes mentally. She was such a drama queen. A stripped interior provides better performance and fuel economy. And if you´re curious, I did the acceleration run. The car was only HALF a second faster on the 0-60.
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again, not safe and not at 2 am. Wait until you are solely responsible as an adult.
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However, I felt violated. That was MY car, and she was trying to dictate what I could and could not do with it! I mean seriously, I had to literally go through rigorous driving practice with my dad and grandpa, who were VERY HARD on me, pass a driving test on the FIRST TRY, and DRIVE all the way back to my mom! Just to GET that car! And here my mom is, acting like she owns the thing, when she did nothing to earn it. She didn´t have to go through what I went through. I WORKED for that car! My mom did not.
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Your mother has every right to see into your car, know what is in your car and what you do with it unless you are an adult and living on your own. It doesnt matter how angry you are or how you think she treated you. If she pays the bills and insurance and you are under 18 she does have that right.
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Sometimes I think i´m too broken for this world. I then snap out of it and realize what I had done. I decide to hide the tablet inside my backpack, and get rid of it the next day. I get a meat-tenderizer because I wanted to use it that night to try and pry off the door panels on my car using the handle. It would help reduce weight.
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Its a shame you broke her tablet because she did not break your car. I know you were angry though but spite is dangerous and makes us reckless.
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The next day I have to go to school. My charter school requires us to attend at least twice a week. So, I pretend to go to school. I get in my car, and drive to a park. I then feel enraged that my mom told me not to ¨destroy¨ my car, and act like i´m a bad owner. I sit on a bench, and place the tablet on the ground. I make sure the screen is facing up, and I start stomping on the screen as hard as I can. I then flip the tablet over, and scrape it across the ground, on the screen. I then shove the tablet inside a trash can, and hide it well. I then drive home, park my car, and go to school. The school is next to my apartment, just so you know.
So as time goes on, my mom becomes frustrated that she can´t find her tablet. She then gets mad at me and yells, ¨What did you do with my tablet?!?!¨ I then say I hadn´t seen it. She then says, ¨You did something with it.¨ Then she says, ¨Is that why you had the meat tenderizer? Did you break it??¨ I say no. Then the we go back and forth with it, and she eventually says, ¨Ever since the movie Joker you´ve been acting different. Is that why you´re acting this way?¨ HAHAHAAHAHHAA! WHAT??? NO!! Did you just seriously blame a MOVIE on your son´s bad behavior, let alone, JOKER??? REALLY??? You get what you deserve! But honestly mom, the reason I did that was because I zoned out, and lost control of my actions. I had no motive behind it. I literally just did it for NO REASON. She would rather blame a MOVIE, than accept personal responsibility for her bad parenting. She then says something that made my blood boil... She told me, ¨You don´t deserve to have your own car... ¨ That really infuriated me. Cars are a passion for me, and to me, my car is the greatest thing since sliced bread. The fact that she had the AUDACITY to tell me something like that pissed me off. My mom doesn´t even take care of her own car, she keeps it dirty and RARELY changes the oil! Yet she somehow feels she has the right to tell ME what to do with MY car? Sheesh. My mom then says, ¨I´m telling your dad what you did.¨ Like I felt a little scared at that point, but also mad. The universe possesses me, makes me destroy the tablet, and now it uses my mom to play the victim card?? Really? I feel that something makes me do bad things, and then blames me for them when i´m not in my right state of mind. It pisses me off. I feel that the universe tries to paint me as the bad guy, and my mom as this perfect little angel who can do no wrong.
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Her bad parenting doesnt mean you get to destroy her stuff. How would you feel if she hit your car with that meat tenderizer?
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Later that day, my mom had to go to my aunt´s house again, and she told me, ¨And don´t destroy anything while i´m gone.¨ When my mom leaves, I start finding a way to get back at her. There is a bedside table in our bedroom, and it´s cluttered with junk. I go to the bedside table, and shove all the junk onto the floor, and knock a plastic fan to the ground. I thought to myself, ¨Well, it was dirty. So I guess I cleaned it off! There! It´s clean now!¨ I also saw my mom´s essential oil emitter, so I took out the batteries, no longer feeling like myself, and thought, ¨Cool! I just found batteries!¨ I then take a screw driver and tear apart the emitter. I then hide the remains in my backpack, and keep the batteries for myself. When my mom returned, she tried being nice to me at first, I guess to try and forgive and forget, but she then sees what I did to the table, and she starts freaking out at me. My mom says, ¨What happened here?? Why do you keep destroying things? You´ve been acting different ever since you saw Joker.¨ I thought to myself, ¨So ungrateful... Didn´t even notice that I cleaned off the table.¨ My mom then says, ¨What happened to my essential oils? Where did it go?¨ I then say I don´t know. She then goes on to say, ¨If you keep doing that, i´m gonna call the police and have you arrested.¨ WHOA! Really? See how weak of a parent she is? She would rather have LAW ENFORCEMENT deal with me, rather than step up and be a parent. PROOF she does NOT actually care about me. I´ve said it once, and i´ll say it again, she only wants child support money. Don´t act like how I want you to act? Okay, let me call the police on you and have you arrested, destroying your educational opportunity even though I know your about to graduate high school. My mom then says, ¨You´re gonna be like your uncle... Somebody´s gonna have to come and take you away. I don´t want you to be like your uncle... You´re better than that, your uncle´s just, koo-koo.¨
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again you shouldnt destroy her stuff but she shouldnt threaten to call the police. She should have immediately called a youth crisis line or got you into therapy.
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The day after, my mom goes out in the morning to my aunt´s house. I was still boiling mad about her saying, ¨You don´t deserve to have your own car.¨ That is by-far the WORST thing you could tell a car enthusiast. So, I went inside the garage, and find a rusty old car jack. The garages at the apartment were made of wood, just so you know. I picked up the handle for the jack, that had rusted off. I closed the garage door, and the interior was lit by the outside light that seeped through the cracks. It actually lit pretty well, believe it or not. I remembered what my mom told me, to build up my rage. I then swung the handle at a wall, putting all my rage and frustration into the swing. It left a gash in the wall. I kept remembering things my mom said, and swinging at the wall. I then kept repeating the memory of my mom telling me, ¨You don´t deserve to have your own car.¨ over-and-over again in my head to fuel my rage. I kept taking hard swings at the walls every time the memory repeated. I left huge gashes, and took out pieces of the walls. I then decide I was still pissed off beyond belief, and it wasn´t enough. I then decide to make a HOLE in the wall. I then start swinging at one spot on the wall, non-stop, just working away at it with rage. I did so much damage that a small bit of the jack handle broke off. I eventually ate away at the wall enough to create a hole. I could see into someone else´s garage. I saw a metal shelf with various supplies on it, and just a bunch of junk in their garage. The floor in MY garage was covered in wood pieces. There were black marks all over the walls, and even the garage door from where I had been swinging. I then started to panic because I knew I had to find a way to cover up that hole.
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Did that explosion of rage change your situation? It did not, it may have temporarily felt vindicating but you dont want to seem immature, You want to be taken seriously by your parents.
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To make matters worse, I got in contact with a Navy recruiter a long time ago to get into the Navy when I graduate. My dad apparently has the pink slip to my car! Meaning that the car was always HIS, and apparently this was because he was going to wait until I got into the Navy to give me the pink slip. Okay, let me tell you why this is a big deal. When I was learning how to drive, it was in that car, I even took the test in that car. My dad said that I could have it if I passed. Well, I PASSED, but no, apparently I need to now go into the Navy to get the PINK SLIP, which means i´m not even the owner of the car. Like, when I was destroying stuff my mom said, ¨Break your own stuff... except your car, because you dad got you that.¨ I love how she makes that little exception, to say, that car is not really yours!
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i think its a terrible idea for you to go into the navy, I do not think it is safe for you to do it. If you didnt sign on the dotted line do not do it.
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I also noticed something disturbing about myself. Ever since I felt this severe depression, I´ve been getting flashes of this SEVERE ANGER, like if I see a video online that makes me upset, it could even be something small that isn´t even a big deal, I will feel this boiling hot anger inside to the point I wanna become violent and do unspeakable things. Another thing, when i´m depressed I lay in bed all day and watch GORE VIDEOS online. I´ve found it was the only thing I felt like watching, and it was the only thing stopping me from running back to the video games. The video games scare me, because I get REALLY ADDICTED to them, to the point I can barely pull away from them. It scares me because I feel like if I play them, I well become filled with pride, and never seek the help I need. I managed to stop playing the video games for about 3 days, and I felt the severe depression. When I played them, it gave me a sense of comfort and security. It made the pain go away. But when I stopped playing them, I felt so vulnerable, so defenseless. I felt trapped. Powerless.
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I agree that your rage and destructive behavior is dangerous and urge you to try therapy.
I am so sorry your parents failed you and let you fend for yourself. It was a grave disservice to you. Please know you are not a lost cause. You deserve to learn proper coping skills and love. I hope you are able to find a therapist to help you. I hope you do not go into the navy.
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"I carried a watermelon?"
President of the no F's given society.
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