Quote:
Originally Posted by Merope
These are all great ideas, thank you! I get what you mean, about him feeling less real. When I tell people I’m close to about how this feels, they don’t really get it. “But you still get to see him on zoom!” It’s just not the same. Funnily enough, I do feel like we had some pretty amazing zoom sessions, where I opened up a lot more...but now the angst took over my brain and everything that seemed good about them has become a threat.
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I know what you mean about it feeling less real. My T, in talking about the difference in Zoom vs. in person, has said there's a certain energy in the room when two people are in there together (physically). And it's not there on the computer. (We've also talked about this in the sense of my missing going to restaurants, where it feels different than just eating carryout at home.)
It occurred to me today that I think it's now been 6 months since I've seen T in person, which made me sad. Slightly over that since I've shaken his hand (we avoided it the last session or two due to Covid)--and I worry that even when he does allow in-person again, he won't allow that for a very long time, if ever. It's something I want to ask him about, but I imagine he might not even know the answer right now--it would probably depend on multiple factors.
And I'm wondering if that's why he's been showing up in my dreams more (including last night), because in my dreams, he can be in the same room with me, and even touch me.