Hi guys

Im 37 now and was diagnosed with OCD about a year ago after it taking over my life when I was 17.

Since CBT therapy, two years ago, I have become much better, and also started to see things a lot more clearly. One thing that has become very clear, is how much my mother has had an effect on my whole life, probably best to list what stands out:

when I was young, teachers and doctors suggested I may be autistic or have add, she decided to ignore their advice.

My mother encouraged me to lie to people about our wealth and successes, then when found out, would not admit she had told me to say those things.

I grew up thinking Im Italian because she lied to my father about it. Again, seems small, but then you factor in she cut off her real mother for 15 years to continue this lie is not normal.

When the OCD kicked in, my mother never tried to help, in fact there were situations she seemed to deliberately make me more uncomfortable. If I couldn't cope socially, she would chastise me for embarrassing her.

Remember vivid feelings of shame and guilt and being blamed for things that weren't my fault.

If things ever go slightly off plan, its almost like the sky is about to collapse, and it always come back to the hinting that I/my stepdad could've done more to prevent it.

This week I found out, that over the last fortnight she has been stealing my stepdads medication to mess with him. He thinks Im stealing it, I get upset, he's accusing me and we will eventually argue. I know this sounds weird, but its not the first time something like this has happened, in fact its probably the millionth.

Yesterday, she offered me a lift to the supermarket, all the way *****ing about my stepdad not being good enough. Then today, she offers him a lift to the supermarket, and I know all the way she was *****ing about me. Whether or not she believes what she's saying, its constant playing one off the other, why?

She thieves off friends by renting their apt out when they are away and not telling them, and takes money from family by playing the damsel in distress card.
Anyone ever needs help, she finds a way to turn it around as if she has to carry someones burden, and that justifies her doing nothing. But when it comes to her, everything must be done her way.

Sorry about this, I know Im just going off on one, but the hardest part is, she now has cancer so I can only imagine what's going on in her head, and I feel sorry for her normally.

Tbh there is so much more e.g sending my father to an early grave by putting too much pressure on him and just guilt tripping him about being an alcoholic (which I think she caused). Also, leaving me homeless at 17 cos she wanted to move abroad, asking me for help when she was abroad, me moving abroad to help her, helping her then her kicking me out of a house within two weeks of my stepdad being on the scene. Oh and the insurance scam on her 25 years of marriage memorabilia to my dad and all my childhood stuff that didn't work out, which lost everything.

Anyway, if anyone can point me in the right direction of what these are symptoms of, it may help

Thanks guys