It's devastating when your world comes crashing down and you lose all the things that gave your life meaning day to day. That being said, there is life after trauma and loss. It can be a struggle to get there for sure. But reaching out is definitely a good step.

For me, I've been through a couple of significant relationship endings with very similar feelings and experiences that you've had. I've watched as the person I loved went on to continue to live happy and fulfilled while I struggled in the pits of despair and pondered bringing an end to it all. I got very close to crossing that line, and the only thing that saved me was someone reaching out to me and letting me know I was not alone and that loss can be survived. It can sometimes be helpful to talk to other people who have gone through divorce and have grieved the loss of a marriage or a life that they imagined for themselves. This kind of loss is more normal than we like to accept, and I found comfort in speaking to others who had been through it, especially when so many people around me were still "happily married."

I don't have an easy answer for you. Therapy can be helpful, but it takes time. It's frustrating but there are no fast answers or fixes. I remember getting frustrated with my treatment and feeling impatient. I remember wanting the pain to be over and wanting to find a way to free myself of the obsessive thoughts, the grief, and the anger. But that relief may only come with distance and time. You need to find a way to survive long enough to let your heart and mind start to fray the strands of that rope and cut the thread to what was so that you can begin to accept what is. It's not an easy prospect at all. I still struggle with waves of loss and frustration that spill in from time to time. But I am able to look back with some perspective and make sense of things.

It also helped me to go through and take an inventory of the relationships. What were the pros and cons of my relationship with the person? What were some of the things that frustrated me that I never spoke up about? What would I miss and what would I be glad I didn't have to face anymore? What were some of the things the person did that hurt me? Those can be difficult questions to answer when things are so raw, but for me it really helped actualize the loss and give some perspective. Most relationships aren't "ideal" when we take time to reflect on them. We can be blind to some of the struggles and pains when we're in love or happy, and it can be easy to forget how we have changed or lost parts of ourselves in the relationship overall.

I wish I had better answers for you. I am so grateful that you reached out. It can be incredibly hard to do when you're in the pit of darkness and struggling to find a reason to go on day by day. I hope that things start to improve. I definitely think that they can and will, but it takes finding the strength to give yourself and your heart time to heal. Best wishes and good luck on this journey.