I went to a dinner tonight thanking people, including me, for their volunteer service at an organization. It was about helping at a specific event they'd had.


I don't feel like I do much for the org. I stuff envelopes and do really simple stuff a monkey could do, because I don't want to answer phones. But I like it there, and I want to use them as a reference for job stuff.


They only have a few staff, but they put together this nice dinner for us at a hotel restaurant. I felt very out of my element there. I never go to bars or restaurants like that for things like this, or for anything.


When I first got there, a woman who works for the org, who I don't know very well, approached me and was like "thank you so much for all your help!" I stuffed bags. I really felt like I did not contribute in a significant way. But I said your welcome / thank you, etc. Then when I sat down, she approached me again. She pointed me out to the whole group and was like "WovenGalaxy did all that by herself and she does all the stuff no one else wants to do." I don't know why, but I felt kind of angry and insulted. I felt like she was patronizing me and putting me down. She was drinking wine and I wondered if she was drunk.


Looking back, maybe she was just being friendly. Maybe she likes me as a person and wanted to express gratitude. Maybe my poor self esteem got in the way of that.


So after we ate, they gave a speech (which I did not know was going to happen), and it was this woman giving the speech, and again, she pointed me out. I didn't realize what was happening. But she then thanked everyone individually, she just did me first, but at that time, before she went on to anyone else, I was thinking "Really? Come on...leave me alone." I was really uncomfrotable and for some stupid weird reason didn't know they were going to go through everyone to thank them. It just happened that she did me first.


So I was already on guard after what I perceived as rude of her (though it might not have been rude), not comfortable in this social climate, nervous socially, and didn't want to be pointed out. She called me modest "as you can see," she said, and my body language was kind of rude at this point. I didn't smile and I turned away from her. She seemed a little offended and said "but we won't make you talk if you don't want to" she said it kind of loud and I said "good, I'll let you talk," The whole time I wasn't smiling. I probably looked angry and like a *****. When I said that, she went on to someone else to thank and I was like oh ****...She was just being nice.


I don't like to do things that are "Against the grain." I don't like to be the odd person being different and weird. And I feel like I was tonight.


I don't know if I need to apologize to her, or what. I'm not at that point yet in my thinking. I might apologize. I don't know.


I don't feel like what I do there is significant at all. I just enjoy being there. I do wish I could use my brain there. But it won't be there (that's not what they do there). It'll be somewhere else, like in school. I guess I was just embarrassed and felt awkward and didn't believe her at first, when she was thanking me and pointing me out to people, that just made me uncomfortable.


I will probably say something to her and explain and apologize...........