i can't believe she's going on vacation and didn't tell you sooner. if things get too bad before you see her again or another therapist you MUST go to the hospital ok? i know how dangerous the place you're in right now is. i wouldn't be alive when i've been like that before if it wasn't for friends dragging me to the doc or the hospital. before you get to the stage where you're not able to do that for yourself...please go to the hospital if you feel things getting that bad ok? you matter!