Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3
WovenGalaxy, I had a similar thought process for many years, and still must be on guard against it.
When my mother questioned me, it rarely felt like an innocent question. For example, if she asked "How was your bike ride today?" it always felt more like "Why the h**** did you go on a bike ride?" Her questions (and comments) typically made me feel criticized, less than. It usually seemed like like whatever I was doing was wrong, and I was just wrong as a person.
So, as an adult, if people asked me questions I would tend to automatically feel attacked, when in reality people generally were asking completely innocent, friendly questions. It took a lot of therapy to help me do what you were describing, to hold off for a minute and realize that the person was just genuinely interested, not automatically critical. I still need to be attentive about that.
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Hugs to you, Bill. Thank you for sharing about your own struggles with this sort of thing. It makes me feel more normal and not alone, and I value your thoughts and feedback as a PC member, so really, thank you.
I experienced bullying as a preteen and in my late teens. I also have never been comfortable in bars / noisy restaurants, and I've avoided these places for a long time. I've avoided a LOT of social stuff for a long time. Right before the pandemic, I started coming out of my shell and really working on this stuff. Then everything shut down, in terms of the pandemic and the world. So I think I am also just really quite Rusty and maybe even just, I don't want to say immature, but I really haven't had any experience as an adult being social with my peers. I'm 37. So I've had a lot of time in my adult life avoiding this stuff and not experiencing it. And not developing coping mechanisms and tools and skills to deal with it.
It feels good to know this. Because I can do something about it.
It's painful at times. And difficult and challenging. I don't know, I know I have more work to do on myself. It's okay.
I also want to validate myself a little. It was a little weird. I think what divine said is sort of accurate. Her heart was in the right place. It was just like a lot.
I'm still going to talk to her tomorrow.
