Hi Joe, I think that your wife telling you that calling her names could destroy your marriage is actually very valid, reasonable and insightful. She's also said she hopes you stay married. She's clearly worried about this issue, and I can see why I would have an issue with being called such a name. The problem I would have is that...say I had an issue (whether big or small) that I raised with my partner, I would be hoping they could understand and either help, or not...what I would not be happy with is if they told me that I WAS the problem, and I think that, by calling her that name...you're in a way saying that she is the problem, or at least that she's a problem to you.
I don't think you'd have to be perfect to stop calling your wife names. I think you'd just have to listen to her, and respect her, and be honest with yourself about whether you can help her with her issue or not. Would you not want the same from her?