Rough day, sad day. Being sensitive isn't easy. Writing it out helps. Sometimes it is the moments that seem larger than time itself, the moments can darken the expanse of time. Waiting for brighter moments. I have to have faith the dark moments will pass and brighter ones lay ahead. My 15-year-old son left to live with his dad 10 months ago, and I haven’t seen him since. His teachers have reached out to me about his not doing any work in school, but I am powerless to do anything because he chose to live with his dad where he knows he has no expectations or boundaries placed on him. When your child is at the age of 15, the courts will let them do what they like, and I have no money to afford a court battle after spending thousands of dollars fighting years ago. My narcissistic ex just continues to drive deep wedges and blame me for everything despite his inability to be a parent. He will, later in my son’s life, just blame him for any of his issues despite that they are the result of lack of love, support, boundaries, and guidance by his father. He alienated my son from me and the pain runs deep into my soul. I tried to reach out to my son to encourage him to get on track, the response was as I expected, and it only fuels my son’s anger at me, which is really anger at himself and his dad, but, somehow, they both blame me.

Moment of Heartbreak

In that moment
That text, that comment, that projection of hate
Your heart is squeezed so hard
You would swear the tears streaming from your eyes were blood
You try to see clarity through the blur
You try to breathe, but breath won’t come

In that moment
The darkness engulfs you
Your mind races
You don’t understand how people can be so cruel
You try to see clarity through the blur
You try to breathe, but breath won’t come

In that moment
All seems lost
Love lost
Purpose lost
You try to see clarity through the blur
You try to breathe, but breath won’t come

In that moment
Hateful energy has its hands grasped around your throat
You can feel the tightness
Yet you sit with it, feel it, there is no fighting
You try to see clarity through the blur
You try to breathe, but breath won’t come

In that moment
That text, that comment, that projection of hate
The darkness engulfs you
All seems lost
Hateful energy has its hands grasped around your throat

In that moment…
In that moment…

Just… in… that… moment…
You try to see clarity through the blur
You try to breathe, but breath won’t come
Just… in… that… moment................