Penny it's just hard, there aren't really any why's about it that i can tell. Grief is what it is, and it takes many forms over lots of time. Anniversaries you can count on. With time, eventually the memories become less attached to your suface nerves, (just to make up a term). Trying to stop it makes it worse, i've found that for myself to be true. Letting it flow was never as bad as I was afraid it would be. Ironically in the depths of it i found an ecstacy of sorts too. I'll never be able to put that one quite into words i'm afraid, but niether will i forget it. I get afraid to cry tho too. The fear is it will never end.

AS for being more than you can handle at the moment, it very well may be. If the answer is yes then simply absent yourself from work for the day as you would for any other medical condition rendering you as incapable. It isn't nothing. At a point, it will come regardless.

I'm sorry for your pain. I'm bp, my siblings, my mom too, my brother has attempted many times, and the threat alone is haunting. But this kind of pain is only possible because of love. And you wouldn't not love.

Take reeeeeeeaaaaaaal goooooooooood care of your self, you are the most important one. Sounds like you should go home.