I called T this morning and left a message wondering if he really had returned from vacation. He called back and told me he was BACK!! He also confirmed our appointment for tomorrow.


Then he said he was sorry the pdoc visit was so awful and wondered if I knew the name of the person I saw in that office. (Nurse Ratchett?)

When I called back to tell him I didn't know her name he picked up and we chatted for a minute. Then he had to go. Within a minute I crashed and was crying. I realized what I am grappling with is the fear and pain of abandonment from when I was a child and my parents dumped us off for a month at someone else's house. (Someone we didn't know very well.)

T's vacation combined with that appointment triggered a lot of feeling. On some level, It felt as though he were sending me away somewhere.

Working through this pain with T is the work of my therapy right now. I called him back and told him what I was feeling and that I needed to talk with him again for a minute. When he called back my son was with me and I couldn't talk. Grrrrrr.

I managed to tell him I had gone to a dark and scarey place but was feeling better. He said he was glad I reconstituted and then he said, "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

Sigh.

I can't wait to go back tomorrow.