I almost can't remember what in the hell it ever was I thought i could do about this, all this energy and surging emotion. No wonder I used to wreck the walls down to get out. It goes up and up. I used to think I was just suddenly realising the truth about my self, and would react right away, changing virtually everything around me to suit the new super me. Maybe the progressive nature of the disorder has to do with the more deleterious aspects of the energy. I mean, my attention span is crap, where i used to single focus more.

Anyway, so I've got my guitar plugged in, and do that for a bit, need a smoke, end up here for a bit, get all contemplative and soft inside and set off for any of a few more distractions out in the open. My goal is to change nothing. And to sleep. I'm doing some writing, singing real well, there's some good in it alright. But I practically have to leave notes to myself reminding me not to go walkabout. The sense of mind as gleaming diamond is so compelling, are not all things possible? It sounds dorky i suppose, but the allure to me of anything unknown can undo me in this state. Note to self: you already have a soul mate fercrisakes. lol So by not hitchhiking across country to be united with the one (again) I'm hoping to rob the cycle of its backlash. If I can get thru it without being it, then maybe I won't be so depressed afterward.

Should have called this one Sqrl as Chatterbox.