I'm currently sat in my room as I'm afraid of my flatmates.

I've been bullied pretty much my whole life in different situations. I moved to another country alone five years ago but I don't have any friends as I no longer trust anyone. After being bullied by my boss for two years (who also encouraged others to bully me) I finally found another job. I was then bullied by my co-worker at my new job. I resigned after one year with no job to go as I was so desperate to get away. At the same time I was living with an aggressive and verbally abusive housemate (he physically assaulted the remaining female housemate after I moved out). I moved out a couple of weeks after I left my job.

I moved into the first house I could find with the intention of only staying a month. I was very lonely, scared and depressed. I live with five men. Alcohol and drug use is a daily occurrence with all of them. I started drinking frequently. I have had addictions in the past but not with alcohol. I cut down on my drinking a month ago and haven't drank alcohol for over a week.

Theres been so many incidents but i dont want to give you a long story to read through. It turned into an emotionally abusive situation pretty quickly with three of them. I've been here three months now as I haven't found a job yet. They've all told me stories about most of the previous females tenants moving out because of one of these men in particular (I'll call him M). They all complain about him behind his back but act like his friend to his face.

I had high anxiety yesterday and was trying to stay away from them. I went outside to a quiet part of the garden. M and two others followed me out there. I felt intimidated so I left and went inside the house. M followed me in and silently sat next to me. I got up and went to my room. There were taunts and remarks from one of the other two as I was leaving but I didn't react. I actually thought I was just being paranoid but I saw one of them this morning and he stood and glared at me in a threatening manner. I'm worried it's going to escalate. I've been in my room all day as I'm too scared to leave. They're all downstairs drinking alcohol.

I can't carry on living like this, moving from one situation to another. I make a mess of everything. I must have caused this as it's impossible for one person to go through life attracting so much negative attention.

I'm scared to keep moving, get a new job, get into a relationship and make friends. I don't know how to stand up for myself. On the few occasions I have, it's just made the situation worse for me.

I'm nervous and paranoid around most people. I can't carry a conversation anymore and I feel as if I've lost my personality.