Quote:
Originally Posted by koru_kiwi
we clearly discussed the topic of touch in the first few weeks of starting therapy with my T. at first he was a bit hesitant due to my CSA history and he shared that his supervisor advised him against it. i was quite hurt and shocked by his supers advice and shared my reaction that his supers response made me feel tainted and it reinforced my belief that i was unworthy of having access...
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Thank you Koru_Kiwi, your experience is inspiring. If I could change one thing with my T it would be in the beginning, I would have asked if he can work with touch. I had no idea quite how broken I was at the beginning, or that touch would become so important to me, so it wasn't an obvious question for me to ask him back then.
I think he also doesn't want to touch me because of my CSA. I have tried to explain to him how not being touched by him reinforces the feeling of being dirty and only deserving of bad touching. but it makes no difference.
I think all the things you have done to heal are great, I am very open to anything that could be healing and empowering! There doesn't seem to be many opportunities like that where I am, or I'm not looking in the right places.