Why...why does everything take me back to that moment..or any of the negitive moments of my life. My dumb dog..he just had to kill those kittens..he just had to make me play witness to death again. I watched that little kitten die..and it set me off. Back to that moment..back to July..fifteen and scared. screaming..blurred. All of that guilt has emerged full force. Stayed up till four last night..slaming coffee like no tomorrow..as long as I don't sleep..as long as I only sleep for a few hours then there can be no dreams. I feel so miserable..so selfish..all I do is complain..all I do is take up space. I hate this..I hate this so much. I feel caged..pacing back and forth. Prison bars in my own mind..I am my own worse enemy. What is the point in even trying to quit..when I just do it over and over again..I can't stop..I don't want this anymore. Here they go..as if I wasn't enough. SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP MOM AND DAD!!! Please just be quiet..act more like adults..less like children. Control you hateful words..your tempers..your anger..your fist..stop hitting the walls..quite throwing things..just stop.