hello all,
in my introduction i told how I'm in a vacant marriage, and how my first love, I'll call him AJ, found me last year and we have been chatting. We never got over each other, and never really properly parted ways, we live in different countries and 27 years ago there was no internet, the cost of overseas calls was prohibitive, we were both students without the means to afford travel or long distance communication, so we basically just faded out of each other's lives.
I have been indifferent to my husband for several years, and spent the last 20 years raising my daughters, helping my family through illness, death, helping the younger ones find jobs after college, having them live with us till they got on their feet, being heavily involved in my daughter's girl scout troop, and working full time in a demanding career in aerospace.
Here I am at 46 completely lovesick and feeling like I am having a total breakdown. i cannot stop thinking about AJ, day and night, he is constantly on my mind in evreything I do. I haven't felt this way since we were first separated, and thought it would fade as time went on, but it hasn't and the mood swings are overwhelming, from euphoria to total despair. My entire adult life I have been stable, dependable, the ones everyone comes to for help and advice, and i feel my world spinning out of control. Has this happened to anyone else? what is wrong with me? it's been a year and it hasn't gotten any better. I did speak to a therapist before Covid started, and she just said I needed to end it unconditionally, and see a marriage counselor with my husband even if it was just to work through an amicable end to our marriage. with the way things are right now we cannot navigate a separation, but my marriage is likely headed that way. Of course, AJ is also married, and there is no question he would leave his wife and 4 children. Can anyone relate? is there a name for what I am experiencing? will it ever stop? thanks for listening....