Thank you, all you lovely and kind people, you gave me a lot more understanding of my situation. I am person who tends to be liked and to please others, I feel guilty easily. However, since I had a child, and since I have to fight to have decent life for us, I started to put our two (child and me) first. It's not easy to change your psychological structure, and sometimes it comes back to bite me on the a$. I just want them to like me, I want to help, but I can't do it always, and not when the price (literal or just metaphorical, emotional price) is so big I don't think I would handle it. Someone needs me, I have to prioritize.
Some members of my family are so quick to make you feel guilty as hell. It's so easy with me. I always feel guilty. Even when I get my paycheck I feel like I didn't deserve it I live in constant fear I will mess something up, I want to be liked even by people who hate me with no reason and don't deserve my time at all. I am tired.
I don't look like a typical pleaser. I know how to say "no". I usually do. But that comes with a price for me. I lose sleep, I feel bad, I can't stop thinking about it. I can look assertive, even maybe somewhat cool and aloof, but I am so not. It's just a surface.
That is why I will say no to this request, but I didn't sleep for days, and I feel tortured. It happens with other people too. I feel like I am doing everything wrong. Some people know how to say no and stay likable, and to be respected. I don't. I don't respect that part of me. I keep thinking I am not noble person for not wanting to help my sister. But on the other hand, I tried so so many times. Like my mother, she wants help the way she wants it, even when most of us think that is not helpful at all. She doesn't want what I have to give and honestly think it would help her most. She wants what she wants which is just short term relief with long term consequences. It's depressing. I can't win.