In 2.5 hours... DBT... and I'm starting to get nervous. For some weird reason, the Zoom format is making me more nervous than in person would (and I'm agoraphobic).

I don't want to go, but I need to go... I will end up back in PHP or in the hospital again if I don't do IOP or at least try to do IOP... and I haven not slept... tis 6:30 a.m. and I have not slept. And IOP is in 2.5 hrs and is 3 hrs long. Till noon. And then I can sleep? Maybe, if I'm not too anxious still...

I just need to go to IOP and get it over with and it will get easier. Opposite action, right? Isn't that what they teach in DBT? That's one of the skills from PHP. PHP was also DBT based, so I was reminded of some of the skills I learned years ago. But PHP was only 2 weeks long. IOP is 5 weeks, and goes through all the skills.

The goal is to get all the way through the 5 weeks without having to go back into PHP or the hospital but the PHP therapist did make it clear that stepping back up to PHP or the hospital is not a failure if by doing so.

I would feel like a failure though if I did have to step back up though. I keep bouncing in and out of the hospital and I really want it to stop. I want to be done with the hospital. I want to either be not depressed or just be done. I don't want to go back to the hospital again. Ever.

So its IOP... and it is now 7:15 a.m. so IOP is in 1.75 hours now.and I need to calm my nerves somehow...