I feel dead inside; obsessive thinking means I know why--thought energy. The problem is, I have become addicted to staring into the mirror of self-assessment, and continuously find myself lacking, and not just in things that can be explained away as delusional thinking.

I want to leave and go far away; there's nothing for me here, and I am stuck. There's nowhere to fly to, so for me, my bipolarity (if it is indeed not actually borderline personality tendencies) is merely reflecting upon how much I lack in comparison to others in terms of where I should be as a human being of four decades on this earth. I can't get out of it, so I feel like the emptiness is just the resignation to fate.