So proof of the creator has come to me over my life in many forms. I've seen it in the themes that flow through all of the major religions and philosophies. I've witnessed the miracle of life and studied it in nature. I've been carried through dark times that should have otherwise swallowed me whole. On a deep level, I believe in loving intelligent design. It flows within me and within every other living being.

The tricky part is that I cannot always feel connected to this loving intelligence. Sometimes I am just in a funk. Othertimes the view is wholly obscured by darkness. The feeling is null or it is covered in fear or despair. It is at these times I must rationally reach into my knowing.

I can find my knowing by sitting in nature. I can connect with it in the shower. I can ask it to be with me while I meditate. The goal is just to ask and then it's like I remember all over again. I remember that the connectedness just is. I remember times when I knew before and I find a way back there. It isn't an on or off state. Disconnection is an illusion of the mind. There is no other in a world where all that is created is a part of the creator.

The darkness or emptiness is also a part of the same creator. There is no other. Therefore, I can also remember that while it may not feel pleasant, my creator has never left me. I am 100% of the time connected and I have been gifted with the ability to remember at any time.

Remembering these truths and focusing on them brings me back to center. To the heart. It is unconditional and open. After I make it back there, the noise of my thoughts and emotions seems to quiet down. I feel more at peace. I know I'm not in control and I can relax a little knowing all I can do is try to flow alongside a force that is me, but is greater than me. I can use my will to choose how to percieve the creator and I find my way into something more preferable or I find a way to accept and learn from my current state.