When I was much younger I have always wanted children I do love them both verry much and couldn't leave my youngest.
My mom is raising my oldest boy because I had housing issues when he was too young to move around like I did, then we found out he was autistic and I knew he'd be better taken care of by my mother among many other things my anxiety prevents me from driving, however I couldn't stay with my mother and wound up Pregnant again, I was on birth control I didnt want another kid but I still love him.
His father and i were basically just having alot of sex and we spent 6 years together because of the pregnancy, I had a lot of prenatal difficulties but he helped me through then started doing drugs and became abusive. Hes now in jail and there's a protection order set for 5 years, his uncle has helped us through anything financially when we struggled or just wanted a night out, Aunt and Uncle have a 13yr old boy and 14 yr old girl they're spoiled rotten little brats but amazing good hearted smart and strong and I love them and they love my 5 yr old and he loves them all. Most of the time I feel loved by them as if i were family but idk if it's my insecurity or the instability in my head that causes doubts about their feelings towards me.
They babysit while I work nights, actually we live with them but I have been drifting farther and farther away from him emotionally, I know he loves me more than anything in the world and I love him but I feel somehow detached from myself when I'm interacting with him its awkward and I dont know why.