Do you think you might have some kind of attachment disorder? Or untreated postpartum depression? Not all mothers who didn’t feel a bond had that, but it can make things worse. You don’t say how you felt after they were born.
I’m only trying to think about things that would prevent you feeling a strong bond with your children. Ignore me if I’m way off base, and I’m not trying to cause any offence. My own bio mother apparently didn’t bond with me, either, and it did have a detrimental effect on me.
I’m not sure what to tell you in terms of advice, however. I don’t feel that maternal instinct myself, so maybe I’d be similar as a mother, not really wanting to be there. I don’t even like the thought of babysitting another person’s children. I don’t have children, so it’s easier for me to say these things. I do sympathise, but on the other hand, I think about what effect leaving your children with someone else as you’re suggesting would have on them. It sounds very tough for everyone.
I would, at the very least, have some counselling to explore why you feel like a poor mother, and if anything can be done to try and address that. Do that before making any huge, life long decisions!