That is such a sad situation and I feel very sorry for you, but confusing feelings are to be expected.

I too had/have struggled with suicide. Shortly out of high school and after nearly a year in a psych hospital, I got what I thought was my first "adult" job.

I worked with this young women day in and day out. She was one of the nicest people I worked with, and seemed so confident and self assured. I came to work one day and heard that she had committed suicide over the weekend.

I was overwhelmed. I couldn't believe it. I thought I, of all people, should have seen the signs of her depression and helped. I felt responsible and so, so sad. She seem to have it all together, and here I was just making it day to day. After that I wasn't sure that I wanted to carry on my struggle either.

My Doctor though, pointed out to me that I portrayed that type of confidence and self assurance too. When I thought about it he was right. People probably saw me as a confident young adult, with the world at my feet. Oh man, I was no where close to that inside.

My doc went on to say how important it was for people like us, who present so well, to be able to ask for help. Ask for help Hallie, always remember to ask for help.

Sometimes the depth of peoples depression, self-hatred, etc., is buried deeply within themselves, they can't show it and they can't ask for help.

Don't be like that Hallie, Make sure you can ask for help. Sometimes we cover our depression sooo well, that others will not be able to see it, even though to us we think we are shouting from the rooftops.

That was your classmate. No one knew the depth of your classmate's depression except them. Their depression was rotting them from the inside out, no one could have known. Maybe your classmate wasn't even aware of deep their depression was until it seemed to late them, to ask for help. Don't let yourself be that way Hallie, especially at a time like this.

I made a very, very serious suicide attempt the above event. That is why I can't say it enough...... You couldn't have known, even with your past experience. Now look at this as a learning experience, and always remember to ask for help.

Take care of yourself Hallie. My prayers go out to your classmate, their family and you too.