I will say, I never imagined women struggle with this as much as men, and I feel poorer for not having known this many years ago so that I could have done things differently. I often wonder if it's possible to find someone who is an anode to me, so that I no longer care about porn and finding others...? Or is it that I am, like F&L says, "amoral and depraved?" Am I shallow simply because I look for specific physical and personality traits, and that venal, avaricious side of me doesn't want to settle? The women that have them I find are either a) strangers to me (and I'm not good at just randomly striking up convos), b) know who I am and want nothing to do with me, or c) are taken. That is a struggle I am all too familiar with. I actually had someone ask me if I was an Incel because I haven't slept with anyone in years. lmao No, not really...I am just isolated because I know no one in my own town anymore, and I have no friends irl other than my little doggo, and I have become risk-averse after my last ex. She was pretty much it for me, end of the line.

"The harder I look for myself, the less I can find me." <---- Oof. Right in the feels. Just about summed up all of my poetry (which I use as a cathartic) in one line. lmao