I met my now ex-husband when we were in middle school, we "dated" for a week and moved onto just being friends. We remained friendly, but our group of friends drifted apart and that was fine. Fast forward to 2012 I moved home and started working for one of his family members (small town) and he came and helped on a clean-up project. We started dating, 3 years later we were engaged and he was joining the military. We married on the day he graduated from BMT, 5 years ago.

This past couple years we had been falling apart, he didn't ever want to do anything I wanted to. We lived in an area with hiking, biking, and so much to do outdoors but he just wanted to drink and play video games with his friends from back home. We were 2300 miles from family. He deployed and while he was gone I made excellent friends, whom I couldn't live without. He came back and told me what terrible friends I'd made. I let him push those friendships aside because I "loved" him. I only saw my friends on girls nights maybe once a month. He hated going to any of the events or festivities they invited us to.

The next deployment came not even 6 months after the first one. I started immediately spending more time with my friends and doing everything I could to keep busy while he was gone. This was supposed to be 7 months of him being gone and then COVID happened, he was gone for 9 months. I picked him up from the airport and immediately something felt wrong.

We got home and he didn't want to eat the dinner I'd made for us. Got onto his computer, asked why there was no alcohol in the house, and then said oh whatever I'm tired I'll go to bed. I was crushed, he just got home and I felt like I was nothing. The next morning things went from bad to worse. I asked him what the heck was going on and he told me he fell in love with someone else while he was deployed. She was "easy to talk to" and "it was only ever emotional".

I was crushed. I asked him to try counseling, and he told me it wouldn't change anything. I told him I'd do anything to make our marriage work and he just kept piling on the reasons we were doomed and our marriage was a failure. He made me ask if he wanted to separate and when he said that wasn't enough he forced the question of divorce from me. He knew exactly what he wanted but wanted it to come out of my mouth. It hurt.

I called my parents and told them everything, the next week after I'd packed my belongings my dad flew out and we drove the 2300 miles back to my hometown.

It's been almost 4 months since then. I've picked up some of the pieces of my life, moved away from the town I grew up in because there were too many unhealthy reminders of my ex. I'm learning what I have to offer and realizing I'm worth more than someone who would fall in love with someone he barely knows because it's easier than talking to his wife about their troubles. Some days are great, some days are still very very hard.

What are some of the things you do to remind yourself on the hard days that things will get better? Him ending our marriage won't be the death of me, it's the best thing for me. This gives me a chance to find someone better who can love me how I need to be loved, but it doesn't mean there isn't pain in being dropped like a sack of potatoes.