This sounds tough and I can relate to elements of it. My therapist is often defensive and it is very distracting in the work and destructive to our relationship. Once she becomes defensive, she loses me and is only concerned with herself. It's painful. Of course, I frequently attack her to protect myself so in many ways we create perfect storms.

It sounds to me that the confrontation itself is less painful for you than her inability to respond sensitively. If she had responded carefully, it seems possible that you would not be thinking of the interaction in terms of "confrontation", but maybe in terms of resolution or acceptance.