Dear Cindy;

I am a single mom of two teenage sons. I am also just completing a degree (BA) in Social Sciences.

I understand your fears and I can relate to some of them. The parenting uncertainty...in this day and age, it is common for the fears of raising children. Timing seems to be a bigger concern for women than men and some of that pertains to corporate influence. Since women are still primarily the nurturers of the household, AND they want a career...the coporate world has shown us that childrearing and corporate ladders don't mix. We also have limited biological choices as to when to conceive, whereas men can conceive at any tiem in their adult life.

Economics comes in also. It is tougher to compete for the better paying jobs and the companies are looking for employees to do twice the work for lower pay. With student loans also being a major factor in our adult lvies, the expenses are very influential in making young adults think they have to choose career OR Children...but we can't afford both. Your fears are very understandable and you are not alone. After five years of university studies for me...I am going to a job interview for a coffee server...the very job I went to university to get away from. Employment is tough.

Dating has become more difficult because of the amount of time other responsibilities take from our schedules. Why wouldn't we worry about having a personal life? As a divorced woman who is now finished her degree, I am looking also. Everybody is busy.

Depression is understandable. I have suffered from it for years after divorce, legal battles with a deadbeat Dad my ex was and attending university as my children's academic needs also required my attention. You will be surprised how many others are experiencing this just like you are.

We have to take time for ourselves to tell ourselves of the good things we do and others have done for us. We are hit with so many negatives in life and constant criticism (even if it is constructive). We need to remind ourselves of the good things in life. Plan each day as it comes, and try to continue the search for what suits you best in life as it is. By all means...continue to discuss your fears and concerns with others, whether it is here, online, with family/friends, or a professional. The ability to expel our anxieties as we live through it is the best treatment.

Ignore the status of "normal" and stop comparing yourself to society's standards. We are all trying to live up to an expectation in our society that we cannot accomplish. If we compare ourselves to the challenges of every other person on this planet....we will discover that we all ARE normal. We all face challenges, we all have some sort of diagnosis or struggles that influence our performances, and we all have traits we like or dislike. I take medication for seizures. I was on Lamictal also. I was also on Tegretol, Mysoline, Dilantan, Phenobarbitol, valium, and so many others. I geuss you could say that being abnormal means being normal after all.

You are a fine person. You are intelligent. The conomy places undue stresses on our lives to produce and support more and more from our own limited resources. That would stress anybody. Give yourself a big hug, and tell yourself you will be fine as long as you try to keep everything on a semi-balanced schedule that is right for you. Whatever you can't accomplish right now...let it slide. We are forced by society to lvie our lvies as teh bureaucracy thinks we should. Schedules, timetables, and calendars. Let it go. It will happen soon enough. Don't elt society dictate your expectations to you.