There are lots of things that I must do for now (for myself and my family), but I've noticed that I'm really afraid of being out of any social group. I can't seem to divide any more energy for it. There's always this negative thoughts whenever I look at my peers (especially on social media) they seem like they have lots friends and people other than their family that they could count on, and I feel like I have no one by my side, that makes me feel anxious because I'm scared that whaf if one day I'll be alone (again), one day I'll be powerless (again). Even until this day I still believe that having no friends that can back me up means tragedy.

But at the same time, I don't have the urge to actually look for my friends. Hanging out with them makes me feel anxious about the things that I should've been able to do, and meeting 'some' of them really really drains my energy. I always feel rushed. Is it normal? And sometimes, as if whenever I want to maintain them I have to fake myself and pretend that I miss them, when truthfully, I don't.

It's really hard to make myself feel like I need someone, but I'm too scared to deal with the unknown world as a lone wolf (well.. it didn't work quite well based on my school year experience).

Have you ever felt the same? Do you have any thoughts on my matter? How do you usually deal with your contradicting thoughts + actions?