So Dr. T offered me a session at 9:30 tomorrow (instead of Wednesday), as I asked what he had tomorrow, and now I'm debating whether to take it. My instinct is yes, but then what if I make it worse somehow? And I'm likely just overreacting to everything... basically from some stuff we talked about, he essentially said that he's allowing more things due to the pandemic, like understanding I'm more dependent on him right now, being fine with more emails and texts and not charging, etc. But it all just feels like, he will allow this during the pandemic, then...it will go away. And in my head, I thought he was maybe being different toward me the past 6 months in part because he genuinely cared and also realized that these things help me in general. And now it feels different, like a more calculated choice vs. something from caring. And the feeling like it will all go away when/if Covid does.

But then there was other stuff, too, where he prefaced something by saying, "I may have you mixed up with another client, and if I do, I'm sorry..." when asking if I'd said I wanted to take break from social media (he was partly right in that we'd talked about how maybe I should read less news). And he's also confirmed that the reason he didn't reply to my email the other day is that, due to way I'd titled it and my tone, it was lower-priority compared to some others (presumably clients). And so I'm struggling with various things, but then I also think I'm being needy and wanting to be special, while knowing intellectually I'm just one of many clients, plus whatever else is going on in his life. But also, I mean, could he just leave the other clients out of it entirely? Just say he was really busy with things that morning and didn't see the email as urgent so figured he'd reply later?

Yeah, I should probably accept the session...

ETA: I accepted it.