Quote:
Originally Posted by Anca2103
I'm sorry Have Hope....
Definitely can relate, my husband has thought of only himself for the past 20 years, he even says "it's not that I don't love you and the girls, it's just that I love myself more". The past behaviours are so hard to get over, we're in a place now where he's trying to win me back I guess because I told him I want us to separate, but to him that means acting lecherous around me , expressing arousal, and it just disgusts me. This after years of betrayal, both sides of our family know he is a womanizer, the people I work with, the people he works with (we are in the same industry), our couple friends, even at the dentist office. He has humiliated me so much I just can't get past it, whether or not the change is sincere. I have asked how could he do those things being married? Why not find women at least outside our circle? His answer is he just wasn't thinking of me at the time.
I apologize for turning this into my issue, but the sexist video story, to me it's all in the same vein, of not validating your feelings on something. After years of abuse, if he really wants you to explore going on with the marriage, he really needs to meet you in your comfort zone.
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I'm so sorry you've been dealing with such a. nightmare! May I ask why you haven't divorced after 20 years of abuse? If my husband cheated on me, that would be the end of it for me. Sounds like you're trying to separate though, which is a good first step.
I almost left my husband a few months ago due to his abuse. It has not been years for me though. The abuse has stopped, and he did validate my feelings over the video. He agreed after seeing my viewpoint.
I guess on my end, I am just wondering if he is manipulating me right now. It's not a question I am asking to the community - it's a question I ask of myself.
I was really upset and rocked over this video, which means I am not past the old behaviors he exhibited which caused me harm. I think the video was symbolic for me and very triggering.