All in all, given where we came from - all the yelling, screaming toxic fights that were knock down drag out fights - it has gotten FAR better.

I am in no position now to leave him, even if I wanted to, which makes me depressed. I like feeling empowered to leave him if need be, especially given the precarious nature of our marriage.

But, that being said, I don't feel I am being abused anymore, I am not in crisis, and I am not feeling the need or desire to run away from him.

At the same time, there are little things that pop up that remind me that we're still in recovery and that it's a process - like this video, as an example.

People here may state it's the cycle of abuse - I'd like to think and believe he's actually improved and is changing his ways for the better. Why wouldn't I want to be hopeful? I know that statistically speaking, they most often do cycle back, despite promises of change and tears even to keep someone. But I haven't so much as even seen a hint of the old anger he used to exhibit.

Maybe he took a magic pill. LOL.