Quote:
Originally Posted by RoxanneToto
You should be allowed to have an opinion without him punishing you for it. I do think a lot of men don’t see things as sexist in the same way as many women - it’s not always right, though. Do you think he’d have shown you the video if it had been a male driver?
Unfortunately, abuse tends to be a cycle and “good times” are part of it, not actually the person changing into someone better behaved. He knows if he were abusive all the time, you wouldn’t stay. To become non-abusive would require years of therapy and him wanting to change enough to make it work. I’m really sorry, I understand why you’d want to think he was better, but truth is he’s just going to put a lid on it for a while.
|
@
RoxanneToto, I understand you wanted to be supportive, but I've been thinking on this, and your post really wasn't helpful to me or very supportive of me.
I am trying to be hopeful and optimistic right now. Throwing such "truths" at me that may not apply specifically to my situation does not help. I am aware there is a pattern of abuse in abusive relationships in general. And I am aware that abusers typically cycle back to abusing their partners. My husband has shown a genuine effort to want change and to want to keep our marriage in tact.
That being said, he MAY cycle back, but right now, there really is no sign of that, and I'd prefer to remain hopeful.
The real truth of the matter is - he saw himself mirroring and copying his father's behaviors. And he has ceased all behaviors that I have told him are abusive. And he's stuck with that.
And the truth is - I will be destroyed IF I have to leave him. Utterly destroyed. So, I would prefer to be hopeful at this stage.