So, I'm trying to process some stuff from my last Dr. T session. (For those who don't know, "Dr. T" came from his insisting early on that I refer to him as "Dr. [last name]" instead of by his first name, because if a client refers to him by his first name, then he ends up talking more about himself. Or something like that.)

I think I'll need to post this in sections, or else it will become a novel. As a bit of a Dr. T update, things have generally been good between us since I left briefly (after a couple ruptures in a row) and came back last September. And he's been particularly supportive during the pandemic, being much more empathetic than usual, self-disclosing more, never charging for emails, agreeing to a reduced rate so I could see him 3 times a week (instead of 2), etc.

But then this past Monday's session, there were a few things he said that bothered me. One was his prefacing something with, "It's possible I have you confused with another client, and if I do, I'm sorry" (was regarding whether I'd intended to cut back on social media, which wasn't really accurate?).

And then a big part was--OK, I'm unsure how people will react to it--but texting him last week when I was really stressed about a doctor's appointment, when he's not generally OK with texting aside from scheduling. But he hadn't replied to an email by that morning (which he normally does), so I sent him a text about my panicking, and he sent a really supportive reply (I did say I knew I was breaking the rules).

So we talked about the text part Monday, and he said that he's being much more lenient with clients due to Covid, that he's not charging for any emails (he usually does over a certain length--taking more than 15 minutes to reply, though those are fairly unusual), he's more OK with texts, etc. And of course my brain jumped to, the increased empathy and support could go away, too. and I'd also thought that maybe the increased empathy had come about from us working together 3 years, but then I started to have more doubts.

But another thing with the text was, he questioned why I reached out to him vs. someone else. I'd said I thought it was the child part of me looking for comfort and support, but he was rather dismissive of the "child" idea, saying he thought was more the insecure attachment. And saying how my friends seem nurturing, so why not reach out to them? (I'd already said my H was swamped with work calls, plus our daughter being at home).

So I felt sort of shamed for reaching out to him, like he felt I was picking the wrong person to reach out to. And also felt dismissed about the "child" part thing.

So, a couple hours after that, I asked if I could move up my next session and he scheduled me (via Zoom) him for Tuesday (yesterday).

More in a bit--feel free to reply now or wait.