I think that i was hoping that you'd say something to the email i sent and still nothing, i guess when you said we would not be able to see each other until the authorization is processed it truly meant no contact at all.?! I am numb, and so unable to feel anything anymore. I think that i am trying to feel something but nothing, just numb, blank emptiness. Maybe i have in a sense erased you. Its still a huge mountain in my head, while you see it as a small ant hill, this hasnt been easy. I have tried to email you a few times, but keep deleting them, as i start to talk myself out of the reason. I tell myself that your not going to respond so what's the point. I cant talk to you so who cares. And i hit delete. I convince myself to withdraw, distance and dissociate from you. And yet its not your fault. I know that, but i continue to feel it is.