Poppet -- for a long time, I felt like I could not concentrate on anything at all. Somehow, after I caved, I got through teaching a few courses to fulfill my contract, but it was reduced schedule. I honestly don't remember how I did it.

Everything has been "off" for a long time. I had bills sent to my mother. I called a gyn this week and learned that I hadn't been in for 4 years. I thought it was 2!

I played thousands and thousands of games of e-solitaire this summer and listened to Buffy reruns in the background. I guess that kept a part of my brain from going frozen.

A part of me hasn't been present for my life.

I am teaching one course now, sending out resumes, and wondering how the heck I could possibly manage a 40-hour job -- and what the devil is going to happen to me if I don't? Will I wind up living under a bridge?

I have read that recovery is not a straight line. That we improve, and fall back. I was triggered into a depressive slide by what happened yesterday. I am doing my best to keep going. Moving some boxes onto the porch. Sending out a few resumes.

You are right though -- I manage small things slowly now. I hope things get better and better for both of us.