Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket
No way were you securely attached to MC.
But the other stuff you mention, mostly his words making you feel judged or needy—I doubt that was his intent. I think that’s your stuff, and that there needs to be a distinction between what you feel (legitimate) and what he said and meant (also legitimate). It’s not that you don’t have a right to the feelings, it’s that they’re being used to criticize yourself and drive a wedge between yourself and this therapist you value. Maybe the same thing happens elsewhere in your life, I don’t know.
But I would focus less on feeling judged and just as much on “what can I do with these observations to improve my life and mental health if the observations seem right to me?” (Discounting the MC observation, obviously.)
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Thanks, some good points here. And glad you also found it obvious that I wasn't securely attached to ex-MC.
I really wonder if some of what I'm dealing with lately is that my relationship with Dr. T has mostly been drama/conflict-free since I returned over a year ago. And I'm having trouble dealing with that. Because it's something resembling a secure relationship. And I'm also not used to his being so accepting and empathetic.
So I think lately I've been doing things to sort of push that. Forget if I mentioned this anywhere in the forums, but about a month ago, I told him I'd been having more frequent sexual thoughts about him. I was afraid it would weird him out. But he seemed...totally fine with it? Saying things like, besides my H, he's the male I have the most contact with. And that I'm not out much anymore due to pandemic, so not like I'm seeing, say, random guys in restaurants or coffee shops. I said how maybe it was also partly about missing the connection of not seeing him in person, and he agreed. At the end of session, he reiterated (without my asking) that it didn't bother him at all.
He later (next session?) said I'd taken a big risk in sharing that, which concerned me a bit, that it did actually negatively affect him. But I was talking with a friend, who agreed on it being a risk, and she wondered if maybe I was struggling with having the relationship go so well, so I was doing something to sort of blow it up? (er, no pun intended) So that made me wonder about that.
I recently alluded to that topic in session, and Dr. T said he hadn't thought about it at all since I'd mentioned it.
And in terms of other boundary pushing, I think texting him last week about the doctor's appointment was also doing that. He was fine with that, too.
So I think I need to address that more, how for a while I was feeling good about the relationship and relatively secure, but that's also difficult for me to handle and accept. Because I don't want to keep pushing and ruin the relationship. And I need to stop those patterns in general in my life (though I've gotten much better with it).