Re: the child part, I think you are bumping up against the fact that he doesn't work this way and probably doesn't think this way either. My wife doesn't have any major attachment wounds and tends to form secure relationships, and I don't think she quite understands the concept of a child part or an inner child or whatever because her child part is so well integrated into her core self that she doesn't see or experience it as separate. It is just part of her, so it's invisible in a way. When she is upset or hurt, she knows that I (or one of her other close people) will be there for her. She feels like she deserves to be heard. She embraces her playful side or her childlike wonder or her neediness. She doesn't feel self-conscious or ambivalent about the childlike things in the way that somebody might if they had been criticized or punished for such things as an actual child. Maybe Dr. T is in a similar boat?

I remember first discovering aspects of my child part and realizing how complicated that was for me. There were so many emotions around that initial recognition. For me, it is clear that certain aspects of my development caused me to disavow the child part's neediness and emotional intensity. I wasn't able to experience asking for support and getting it consistently enough, so I had to shut it down. This is why I feel fractured now, and why I see the child part as separate. I'm basically developmentally stunted in that way.

The child part concept has utility for me (especially as a parent) because it provides hints about how to deal with what's going on. What do you do with a child and all their difficult emotions? Listen, validate, provide comfort, reassure, etc. I think that's the key to emotion regulation and feeling more whole. That's how you integrate the child-like feelings and calm the anxiety.

I do think some of Dr. T's interactions with you could make it difficult or impossible to explore this concept. Instead of validating your impulse to contact him (vs. a friend), he seemed a bit judgmental. My DBT T and I have talked about why getting support from somebody else feels better (because of course it does!) and why learning to self-soothe is useful too (you don't have to wait, for one thing, and it's harder to disappoint yourself since you know what you need based on the feelings you're having).

I also think his implication that you are "too much" is pretty dangerous territory. You can't really control how "much" you are, though of course you can control what you do with your feelings. I think therapy is the best place to let out all the stuff that is huge and scary and uncontrollable. I bring some of my attachment insecurity into my other relationships (both consciously and unconsciously!), but they are often not places to deal with the feelings sufficiently and still maintain a healthy adult relationship. If your T (Dr. T or ex-MC or whoever) doesn't have the skills or tools to help you figure out how to tame those feelings, that's on them, not you. I'm impressed that you are able to push back against some of what he is saying without absorbing it too much, but I am not sure how helpful I would find his comments in your situation. He is basically saying that it isn't safe to really explore all those huge, messy child-like feelings because he doesn't know what to do with them either.