I guess i am still processing this no contact, not like when we were seeing each other you responded to emails in between sessions , but although there was no response atleast you and i would meet via telehealth ....today would of been the day, our time has past. And it is just realizing how much it will hurt when the day comes that you retire. I am not ready for therapy to end. Though at this rate and having experienced this now, its a consideration. Only because i am not able to emotionally handle this like the grown up adult i look like. You had said in the last 15 min of session that your still here, it so does not feel like it. I feel as if you have moved on. I get the updates that you and the coordinator send but what is that suppose to do for me. Doesnt help. Still under the impression this will be 90 days plus. How are qe suppose to start were we left off? I can feel that my system has adapted to this hurt, pain etc. Though it is not present day, because if i knew that it would not feel like it does. Hate this. Being aware of it does not change anything wish it did. If i let myself have a moment to sit with the facts that we are not seeing you due to authorization issue its starts out okay, and the emotions take over no matter how hard i try to reason. It feels like hirt, pain and abandonment. Its a horrible cycle. ...getting to adapt and deal i guess.