LT, I don’t know your background or what you started going to therapy in the first place but it seems to me that many of the difficulties you are having with all your Ts are relational. If you do end up getting a new T it might be helpful to make sure it’s one who works with a relational approach and understands the importance of the therapy relationship and transference. My understanding (and my own therapy) the relationship I have with my T IS the work. It seems to me that this T doesn’t really believe that although sometimes does things that suggest he does but then really he just doesn’t... people are suggesting a female T but honestly I think many of the same attachment things will come up again and again regardless of the sex .....

My understanding (very simplified) is that for those of use with insecure attachment a relationship with a good enough T (one who is empathetic, caring , authentic but also has boundaries (as a good enough parent should have) will help us to form earned secure attachment and with that also help us with resolving many of the other difficulties stemming from this...

You have been with this T for a few years now and clearly as a lot of people would do formed an attachment to him. It makes total sense that you would want to reach out to him rather than friends in a time of crisis.

It’s strange that he thought you had a secure attachment to your old t... someone with a secure attachment to someone feels safe in the relationship and doesn’t need to reach out all the time as you trust the relationship and know that they are there..

for people with insecure attachments there is often this belief that if a T gives more that the person will want more and more and more and never stop. I don’t know if this is necessarily true... I’ve always wanted ‘more’ of my T and felt I wasn’t getting enough seeing them only once a week which seemed to fuel my transference . During COVID they made some adjustments and eased up a little on boundaries...(not too much that it was worrying but enough that it helped me realize they do care ).... this was huge for me as it allowed me to feel more secure in the relationship and actually resulted in me needing and wanting them less...i realized I was starting to trust more ... I guess my point is that with the right therapist who gives you what you need (within reasonable boundaries) you could develop this trust in the relationship whereby your dependence doesn’t just get worse and worse...... yes there will be times where you push the boundaries (that is normal) and they should hold them... it will be frustrating but they should also be giving you enough that you aren’t constantly frustrated .... . Not sure I’m making much sense and am rambling now so I’ll stop...but look for a T who works with attachment and transference as they seem to be big themes throughout your posts.