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But then hearing that he will basically go back to how he was--being less supportive and pushing more (he said this yesterday), plus the email/text stuff--once Covid goes away was hard to hear. Because part of me thought it wasn't necessarily just Covid that had led him to shift how he acted toward me--I thought it was that he'd deepened in his caring toward me, perhaps even to the level of (platonic) love. And whether he was conscious of it or not, that he was showing that in how he acted. So I think hearing it's just because of Covid and can get pulled away (combined with his preferring not to have to do email at all) just hurt. Like, it's not me, it's Covid. (If that makes any sense!)
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This part stands out a bit to me...and maybe why you are finding this so painful...You are equating him taking it all away as meaning he didn't care at all which is very black and white thinking....and doesn't have to be true...From you post and the way it reads he sounds quite cold in how he said it...I wonder was that how it was in the session for you? Was he cold and abrupt in how he said it? If so there are many reasons he could be pulling back or wanting to reign it in again.... It also sounds like you were also starting to perhaps fantasize that him giving you more of him meant that he may have started to have deeper feelings for you or even perhaps start to love you...(platonically or otherwise). Taking it away or saying that he doesn't even like emailing has killed this fantasize and that can be painful...Not saying he doesn't have some loving feelings towards you but it would be nomal here for you to want them to be more than what they could be (i.e romantic feelings)
You mentioned him saying that he doesn't even like emailing and how hutful you find that...Again totally understandable to be hurt by that comment but him not liking emailing doesn't necessarily mean he was resenting you or faking care about you when he did email. I actually think it shows he cared...to do something he doesn't really like doing because he knows your found it helpful or needed that support...Not all therapists offer emails so he doesn't have to.....