How we each position ourselves in response to the other - our individual responses and instincts, and how this shapes our relationship. For example, if I attack her, she defends herself. In your instance, it might be that as you reach out to your therapist, he withdraws. Once we learn more about that mechanism between us, we can align ourselves differently. I might not need to attack if I can articulate that I want to attack and so she doesn't need to defend herself, we have adjusted to a more open and compassionate position. It is not always about being perfectly attuned (this is certainly true for me as I struggle to be in relationship with others), but the misalignment is equally useful, if painful.