I have written up and printed my "intimacy" history, and L and I are planning for her to read it next Tuesday. I'm so nervous. The only person who knows my whole history is my H. Of course my exs know some, but they never knew anything about my past before them. I have never disclosed this stuff with a T. But I want to be seen and known as a whole. I want to "shine light on the darkness". I think I'm ready. L says she's ready. She gave me a ton of reassurance today. We also went over which words she could use and which she needs to try to avoid. I told her see can use any word in the abstract form, but not in my specific situation. We also talked about the type of words, how I prefer the technical word over a slang.

Ugh! Part of me thinks I'm crazy for doing this. But I keep trying to remind myself that she's a therapist, she's heard this before, she accepted me even after I told her about my secret and even my feelings toward her, and most adults have experienced "intimacy". It's just so hard.