I have spent the last two days in bed. I am pretty sure my depression is getting worse. I tried calling my pdoc but his office was closed for the holiday weekend I wanted to up my dose. I can’t tell where the mental and physical symptoms start and stop. I have an appt Tuesday with my primary care. Today I refused to turn on my camera for therapy and had my head down on my desk so I wouldn’t have to look at her. I have been sitting here thinking about what pills I have and what order I should take them in. I feel so hopeless. I am tired of the rollercoaster. I am tired of just waiting if I get better physically because that seems to be their plan. I am just tired. I can’t function. I want to quit my job for health reasons but my wife won’t let me she says 41 is too soon to retire.