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I tend to be very supportive of family and friends. BUT in my younger years I gave so much of myself to people that my own mental and physical health suffered badly. And, I was unable to ask for help when it should have been my turn.
Over the past 5 years I've made a conscious decision to self-care by setting healthy boundaries. Sounds cliche, but I really needed to start doing it. It's taken hard work in therapy to believe that I am important enough to limit how much energy I give to people. It's still difficult for me to ask for help, though. I don't know if I ever will be comfortable with doing so, but I aim to be some day.
An example. I have a very dear friend who lives in Texas. So it's 11p.m. there, whereas it's 9 p.m. here. She has a lot of burdens in her life. I love her and I will be there for her at a reasonable hour. She knows I go to bed around this time, but she just called me. I chose not to answer the phone, and I won't when it's my bedtime. She will want to unload her stress onto me, I would listen and give her lots of positive feedback. That's fine in the afternoon, not at my bedtime.
I have to ask why someone would push a known boundary by calling at someone's known bedtime? I won't play that game. Further, I believe I set a healthy example for my friend by not playing her game.
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