I am now ambivalent about your T, LT.

The fact that he upped his support for clients, owing to covid, seems to show he cares. Even if it is not something he particularly *wants* to do... but he is willing to go the extra-mile for his clients. My T never ever ups support, covid or not, despite knowing how much I struggle at times. To me, it shows my T doesn’t overly care about me and I am on my own.

However, there are also concerns regarding your T and his ability to self-care / possible burn-out. This is concerning. As a T, he really ought to ensure he has enough to give to his clients and not give-give-give when he has nothing much to give. This would lead to resentment towards his clients and honestly, that is not very professional.

However, I do get your conflicting feelings re this extra care being taken away. But to me, this is because there is a deeper issue... (attachment)


This brings me to the child part vs. insecure attachment thing between the two of you. I don’t think his use of ‘insecure attachment’ is wrong per se. I do think it is linked. What bothers me (and that is from several things he has said and/or done) is how he doesn’t seem very... knowledgeable? Skilled? with regards to other modalities or jargon (terminology) and he kinda shuts you down...

I mean, even if he is not specialised in any particular area (e.g. transference) rather than invalidate you, he could take the lead from you (e.g. child part) and research further if need be. I can see how he is clumsy with you at times and handles things poorly. As a result, you feel shame.

Reading your OP, honestly, the first thing that came into my mind was: what is his training / what are his qualifications? His knowledge-base seems pretty (apologies if this seems judgmental) basic. Hence, I really wonder if he is the best to be able to help you.

His... treatment of you seems trial and error at times. He doesn’t know about a particular area (e.g. stone/transference) and his knee-jerk reaction seems to be defensiveness. This makes you feel insecure and upset – which are very understandable. THEN he seems to catch-up through research or supervision... and makes ‘amends’. But he made you go through, imo, unnecessary hurt and upset.

The problem with this approach, is that he causes you a lot of pain that – had he been more skilled/knowledgeable – could have been avoided. It doesn't have to be this hard.


I get that having been with him for such a long time, it may be hard to want to part but... is he the one best to help you, I now wonder. He is not very relational, he doesn’t seem (to me) to have more than a basic grasp of psychology concepts and kinda drags you along for the ride as he attempts (after a while) to get up to speed with these concepts.

So yes, I am now wondering if he is the best fit for you...

I am not you and it is easy for me to write words on a screen, but I would interview other Ts. And even try out other Ts.